Dear Diary.........

I was thinking to myself earlier today that I hadn’t written a blog post for a while. So of course, I sat with a blank look on my face and stared off into space for a good 32 minutes about what I could write a post about. Turns out, I just looked like an idiot staring out into space and came up with nothing.

How do I not have anything to talk about? I’m usually the one with an opinion (usually negative) on everything! So far this month, I’ve voiced my concerns about Facebook threatening to charge, complained I couldn’t find Halloween cereal anywhere, and announced to the world I puke when I get nervous. (I also may have lied about my age in this status, but that’s not a big deal.)

So then I started thinking a little harder (which is never really a good thing for me to do) and wondered how we ended up here. No dummies, I’m not wondering how we got here, despite what my mom thinks, I know all about the birds and the bees. I’m wondering how we got to the point that our every thought has to be poured out in some huge Facebook Status, or that we can’t deal with our feelings unless we write them down in a blog post for the world to see? Do people still keep private diaries? I know I never did, but I can imagine my diary being a lot like my Facebook posts….

July 16, 2010: Do I seriously have to listen to these stupid neighbor boys light fireworks ONE MORE NIGHT??? I HATE KIDS!!

April 29, 2011:  Had a great day at work, I didn’t say one bad thing about anyone today!!

September 27, 2011: Flipped my neighbor off today! I’m not even sorry!  

And lets not forget my claim to fame:

April 23, 2010: Just saw a deer completely castrated on the side of the road!!

Looks like I was able to come up with something to talk about for a blog post! To make a point to this post, I think its funny that we all have decided to take our “diaries” viral. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Facebook and blogging and will probably continue to do it until like I said, they start charging. Social networking has actually turned out to be a pretty good thing for me. (I’m pretty sure Chris will disagree seeing how I online stalked him and forced him to be my boyfriend, he’ll get over it one day though.)

Shits and Shingles Fundraiser Walk

My brother is one of the nicest guys I know. He is such a patient, kind, and generous person.

But this blog post is about my other brother, Brock; a victim of Shits and Shingles. What is Shits and Shingles you ask?? Shits is street slang for IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  Shingles, is a disease Brock, along with many other 75 and older humans, suffer with 2-3 times a year. Shingles is a form of the chicken pox, only it shows up in awkward patches on your body making it unbearable to touch and awkward to be seen in public. It is unfortunate there are so many who suffer from both.

 

Brock has been suffering from a shortage of bathrooms and porta-potties for years! I believe it is time we step up and make a difference for those suffering from Shits and Shingles. Please join me, along with many senior citizens, on June 22^nd 2016, in the first annual Shits and Shingles walk. This walk will be a half mile walk in the park, with 225 porta-potties along the route. There will be 3 rest stops containing Percocet and Immodium incase any flare ups take place for those walking and are victims of Shits and Shingles. (Crap bags available upon request for those with severe cases.)

Money raised will go towards providing 7-11’s across the country with better toilet paper, as a thank you from the many run ins they have had with Shit’s sufferers who couldn't quite make it to work. Also money will be used to provide a number of porta potties along the freeway, for those moments when the shits just won't wait for an exit. Funds will also be donated to help find a cure for victims like Brock, with Juvenile Shingles.

A special thank you to the following sponsors:

Honey Bucket

Immodium AD

Depends

Pepto

Milanta

Prozac

Larry H. Miller
Snoop Dogg

Kool-aid for Sale!!!

                                                   

I decided the one disadvantage to owning an iPhone is that my kids think they own it. The second I pick them up after work they're on my phone. It's not "Hi Mom! I missed you!" It's "Mom... can I see your phone?"

I was ok with Angry Birds, Tiger Woods Golf and even some what ok with Talking Tom; the annoying cat that repeats everything you say in an extremely annoying voice. But lately I keep getting this message: "Your Siamese cat is finished breeding" and I'm thinking, what in the hell are my kids playing, and how much did this cost me??

Apparently, the iPhone app creators, a.k.a. people with no life, have come up with a pet shop game that allows you to breed animals and sell their offspring to make a profit for the pet shop. I was a little worried I was going to witness the actual conception and delivery part of the Siamese cat litter, but luckily, that isn't part of the game.

What is this world coming too? When I was a kid I worked hard for my entertainment and money. I had to go outside, find a REAL cat on the side of the road, wait 2 minutes for it to get raped by some homeless ally cat, and then try to sell those kittens for a REAL profit. My kids are lazy and have no ambition. Tonight, I'm going to make them sell Kool-Aid on the side of the road and teach them what real kids do!