When I grow up and I’m successful, I’m going to build an adult only store. Ok all you pervy mc pervasons, not THAT kind of adult only store…. I’m talking like an adult only Walmart kind of store. Except higher class, and with smarter/better looking door greeters. And they’d probably wear pink vests rather than blue. OH! And instead of the lame smiley face, the mascot would be a unicorn.
Anyway, the reason behind my genius idea simply stems from having taken 2 boys to the grocery and/or department store ONE too many times. Is it just me? Or does anyone else turn into the “Mom from Hell” at the store? This is just a snippet of my last outing with my kids: “Carter! Stop putting your brother in a choke hold! Gunner! Stop looking up the mannequins skirts! BOYS!! If you touch ONE MORE THING we are NOT going to McDonalds after this!” (A completely empty threat however, because they know as much as I do, I’m not cooking dinner after this escapade.)
The front doors of my store will say, “NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!!” It will be a store for parents to shop in peace, without having to; A. Yell at their own kids and B. criticize other parents for letting their children scream at the top of their lungs in the middle of the store without beating them in public.
Think of how much money you will save by shopping at Adults R Us. -yes I just thought of that name mid blog post- There will be no kids throwing extra food or toys in your shopping cart. I swear my kids can meticulously place these items in the cart that I seriously don’t realize they are there until I check my receipt at home only to realize I’ve just purchased a $24.95 As Seen On TV item. Oh wait, that was the time I purchased a Shakeweight…. Scratch that, my bad!!
I’ll be collecting donations for my store starting today. Some of you Debbie Downers out there will tell me this is what online shopping is for. Don’t tear down my dreams; just give me your money!
I love you! I would totally shop at Adults R Us! Where do I send my check?
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