Dear Women, please read.

I’d like to thank women everywhere for getting rid of the feathers in the hair trend so quickly. I was worried it would stay and I’d have to keep complaining about it. For those who haven’t gotten the memo they’re out… well God Bless You. Now, would it kill you guys to STOP with the close up self-taken portraits? Maybe limit them to 2 a year? (I have to throw the 2 a year out there because every once in a while I need a new profile pic to keep everyone up to date on my hair color and  I don’t  want people calling me a hypocrite.) I don’t think it’s too much to ask. I don’t need to see your EVERY outfit or a pic of you every time you go to the gym, the pool, or the grocery store, the bathroom etc.  When we were growing up, I did just find only seeing your face in our yearbook once a year. This is still ok, 10 years later.  

Maybe I’m jealous of some of your petite little bodies and fake boobs. I’d like to say I’m pretty average, I’m no Calista Flockhart, but I sure as hell am no Oprah- pre Dr. Oz.  In reality, just about ANYONE can look like a size 2 with the right angle and mirror to cut out the fat. You’re kind of not fooling anyone.  

I’m a girl. (In case some of you didn’t know.) So I get it. There are times I’ve gotten ready and looked in the mirror and thought, “damn girl! You look good!” Granted, these are times that happen few and far in between. But, they’ve happened. However, you know what I didn’t have to do? Take a picture of myself with my phone in the mirror and post it on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to get the validation from the 41 Likes and 23 retweets to know that I pulled off the perfect hair and eye shadow combo for the day.

And for some people, I can’t help but sing a little Carly Simon every time you make a post. You’re so Vain that you probably think this blog is about you!  Sure I could delete some of these people, but then really…. What would I have as entertainment?

Please send money…. (This has to work at some point right?)

Meg