Diet Schmiet!!

There aren't too many things I'd say I'm successful at. In fact, the only thing I can even think of I am successful at is spending money on things I don't need. Like the shake weight, zumba for the Wii, protein shake mix..... Are you seeing a pattern? (although I'd totally buy a thighmaster if I ever run into one again! That Suzanne Summers had some hot legs!)

I've never been a very disciplined person. I've never had the motivation to run a marathon or climb Mt. Everest, hell; it's an accomplishment to climb my stairs! But I do get on these crazy health kicks from time to time and think "hey! I'm gonna work out and get healthy!" I'll lay in bed at night and plan my meals for the next day, and even convince myself I am going to wake up early and work out. Below is an outline of how those days pan out:

5:00 rolls around, my alarm goes off. "It won't kill me if I only work out for 45 minutes instead of an hour, I'll just hit snooze once.... 9 minutes later "a half hour is better than nothing!" snooze again.... 9 minutes later "Forget the gym" I think. "I'll do it after work." I hit snooze 3 more times, finally force myself out of bed, and get ready in record breaking time. I do however, remember I'm on a diet so I grab something healthy and head out for work.

By noon I've only managed to snack on 8 unsalted almonds and a string cheese so I reward myself with piece of grilled chicken and side salad and maybe a Hershey Kiss for lunch. By the time 5:00 rolls around, people are literally questioning if that loud noise is from my stomach, or the organ in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I stop at the gas station and spend $25.00 on anything and everything in sight because if I don't eat NOW I just might die of starvation! Ethiopians have eaten more than me today! The gas station attendant can see the desperation in my eyes and gives me an extra Slim Jim for free.

I make it home just in time for the guilt of the drive home binge to set in and decide to cancel the Papa Johns order I placed on my way home and settle for whatever it is my neighbor Saunie has made, because there's no way I'm eating that salad for dinner I’d planned out the night before!

By bed time I've either spent the entire night at the baseball park or laid on the oversized lovesack and watched Dexter all night and completely forgotten about my plans for the gym. I crawl in to bed determined tomorrow will be a better day......

5:00 rolls around, the alarm goes off, and instead of snooze, I just reset the whole damn thing to 6:30. Wake up, get ready and grab a package of Hostess White Powdered Donuts (which I'm convinced are laced with crack) and a diet coke from the Mav, because dieting is for the birds!!