A friend invited me to the zoo a while ago. I hate the zoo. If I were to describe what the Hogle Zoo smells like, I'd say it stinks like a big ball of stinky elephant dung rolled in camel spit and pooped on by a chimpanzee who ate bad Mexican food the night before.
Why people enjoy walking side by side with others to look at caged and smelly animals is beyond me. And to make it worse, I always get stuck next to the crazy mom who has her kids on a leash when we are looking at the zebras and have to hear things like this: "no Windsong Bird Feather, (her granola childs name) Zebras are white with BLACK stripes!" Or "oh look Mary Jane! The Zebras are playing leap frog!"
With my heightened sense of stress overwhelming me because I feel like I'm literally in Hell, it takes every ounce of energy to not slap that mom in the face then tell little innocent Mary Jane that those Zebras are NOT playing leap frog, they are making a baby. A little stinky zebra baby! So it too can live in a cage and have no privacy too poop, sleep, eat and play "leap frog."
Please don't think I'm some big "animal rights" hippie now. I just REALLY don't like the zoo. My kids won't be missing out either, they can watch the same thing from the comfort of my 68 degree home that smells like a cinnamon scentsy on Animal Planet!
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