A big confession....

Sometimes in life we make mistakes. Sometimes in life, those mistakes happen to be big enough that they haunt you forever. I'm not talking about the time I dyed my hair green or got caught ditching seminary. Or even my 6th grade photo with one overall strap hanging down. While those are valid mistakes and the hauntings will never go away, I'm talking about a bigger issue here. 

Tonight I took my kids to Walmart. (again, not the mistake I'm about to talk about) While we were there I somehow managed to get talked in to buying a movie.... I can't even admit this without feeling like a total failure of a parent. In fact, someone may need to turn me in to social services. I bought....(I'm getting sick) Never Say Never, the Justin Bieber movie.

I feel like such a sale out! After all the times I have mocked this movie and all who have seen it, I, of all people, paid 13.97 and bought the movie!! I feel like I've let down anti Bieber fans across the world. I think this is how I'd feel if I ever cheated on Oreos with the western family brand. 

And now I live with this mistake on my shoulders. Similar to every other mistake I've made in life. From thinking I could pull off a Jennifer Aniston hair style in the late 90's, to saying yes at my first wedding. This purchase will forever haunt me for not standing for what I believe in, a Bieber free home!! The only positive side to this purchase is that for once, I own a movie that didn't start out as a dollar rental from Redbox!!

Things that must go....

X-96 use to feature their list of things that must go. I miss this bit. Why they steered away from it I will never know. Over the past few days, I've compiled my own list of things that must go. 

1. Hair flair! Specifically feathers. I don't see why people want to look like they had a head on collision with a parakeet on their way to work. Whats next? We start putting fish scales on our domes? We are humans, let's focus on what we have people and leave the poultry to be eaten, not flat ironed!!

2. That stupid firework song by Katy Perry . No explanation needed.

3. Coupon Nazis. Look, I'm all for saving a buck, but not when it makes me look like some hoarder who's probably been digging through their neighbors garbage can for old newspapers. 

4. FB posts with no definition of your life issues ie: :( or "I'm so sad!" how the hell do I laugh at your dramatic and depressing life if I don't know why you're upset? (Same rules apply with :) or "I'm so happy!!")

5. Dancing sign holders. I swear one day I'm going to kill someone because I'm watching some dude do the Rodger Rabbit while spinning a sign on one finger and juggling with the other hand, because I'm not paying attention to the car in front of me.

I realize I'm in no way perfect, and my words are often full of cynicism, but like I've said before, if you disagree that's ok by me, just be prepared to be laughed at!

I could sale a ketchup popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves!

I started this blog because I had come to the point in my life where I decided I was virtually going nowhere in life in terms of a "career." I've spent the last couple of years as an accounting clerk. I'm about as good with numbers as Kirsty Alley is at weight loss! 

I had high hopes of some rich and famous person stumbling across my blog and paying me to write witty and pointless blog posts for their entertainment. I'm still holding out for this. However I've ventured into the world of sales for now. 

I can't really say I'm good at this new job, only being two weeks in to it, but I can say that I'm a better sales rep than accountant. You see, in accounting, there's a lot of hard work, a lot of focus, and a lot of dedication that has to go into your day. With sales, I'm on a call for a few minutes, they either say yes or no, and I'm on to the next person. It's the perfect job for my length of attention span!!

I can't guarantee I'm going to be the best sales woman my job will ever see, but what I can guarantee is this: I will always alway ALWAYS put in a solid 78% at work! And once this blog thing goes viral, I'll put in a little less.... I won't quit though, I need the insurance!

{side note to avoid termination: I really do love my new job and vow to put in 99%, 87% of the time! Nobody likes an overachiever.} 

Third Grade English

I’ll be the first person to tell you my attention span is that of a nat. This could potentially be my biggest downfall. I realize I’m giving myself more credit than I deserve by deeming my short attention span to my biggest downfall, however, if I’m not able to talk myself up on my own blog, what good is it?? My oldest son Carter is out playing baseball with my dad right now while I’m trying to rummage up some creativity to help him with his final book report project for the third grade. Somewhere between my negligence to academics and his dad’s laziness, Carter developed an interest in school, particularly reading. My favorite book always was, and still is, One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish, by Dr. Seuss. Why? Because that’s really all my attention span can handle, well that it’s short, sweet, and it has lots of pictures. If ever I had to do a book report in school, I made sure it had already been made into a movie because there was no way I was going to sit down and actually read How to Kill a Mockingbird.

Carter chose to do his final book report on, How to Speak Dragonese. The third book to the, How to Train your Dragon series. I was pretty excited when he decided that he was going to do his project on this book because he’s seen that movie!! YES!! A child after my own heart! Only to find out, that the book he’d chosen, was the THIRD book. Not the first one. Therefore, no movie, which means, my help on this project is going to be about as constructive as a midget working in a big and tall store.

I wish I were one of those moms who had the ambition to sit down and read the same books as her kids to be of more help on projects like these, and maybe one day, I’ll consider venturing out to books on tape or something, for now I’ll continue to wait for the movie to come out, take my boys to it and shove my face full of popcorn before discussing the book with them. My kids may want to seriously consider tutors down the road!!